eorge Orwell was wrong. 1984 wasn’t the year of Big Brother, it was the year of the little brother from Minneapolis, Prince. After the talented one had been toiling in the trenches (surprised anyone could see him down there) he hit the big time with Purple Rain, and the ridiculous, pompous semi-biopic of the same name, which, despite lurching closely to perilously bad, is a stunning showcase for the guy’s talent, and this month’s Guilty Pleasure.

Prince plays “The kid”, front man of super tight band The Revolution (his real band). They are one of the acts at real life Minneapolis First Avenue Club, fighting for the top spot against an indifferent clientele and funky rivals The Time, lead by Morris Day and sidekick Jerome Benton. The Time were Prince proteges of a kind, who sometimes performed material penned by him. Into this heady mix struts new girl in town, Appolonia (Appolonia Kotero) desperate to make it, and bound to stir up jealousies. On top of this The Kid has to contend with the troubled marriage of his mother and frustrated musician father back home. It’s a crazy mix of bad acting and cliches galore. But like seeing ex-News Of The World Deputy Features Editor Paul MacMullan lighting the touch paper to his career at the Leveson Enquiry (“Privacy is the space bad people need to do bad things in ”), you can’t help but watch.

 When The Kid isn’t tricking Appolonia into stripping off and jumping into the lake as a fake initiation rite, he flips between what passes for sweetness and juvenile rage and jealousy. He throws a hissy fit during rehearsals when he believes Appolonia is falling under Morris Day’s Svengali influence. Quite why he tries to make her cry by singing about Little Nikki “masturbating with a magazine” is beyond me though. I was too dumbstruck by the image of the pompadoured  munchkin dry-humping an enormous speaker stack.

See, no-one gets The kid. He knows he’s going to make it, why can’t they? He’s dismissive of bandmates Wendy and Lisa’s demo tape, a running gag through the film being him constantly flipping the tape off after the first vaguely familiar chords. He doesn’t have time to nurture anyone else’s talent, he’s a STAR, dammit! When The Kid gets frustrated, he paces. A lot. It is especially comical because Prince has two speeds, static and furious! See him clip clop up and down the narrow confines of his dressing room, emoting for all he’s worth, teeth clenched like an angry toddler. Or else cruising around the countryside or up to the stage door on his purple Batgirl motorcycle, eyes hidden by massive mirrored shades. If Prince can’t act, at least Morris Day has a comic presence, his jive walking, preening fool is a welcome distraction from the overwrought PERFORMANCE of Prince.

The main distraction, and saving grace, is the music, and electric stage performances. Purple Rain’s secret to success is timing, serendipity. 1984 was the peak of the MTV style, music videos were really taking off and performers were sought by the channel for their style as much as their sound. Prince delivered both in spades, he just needed the platform. Think of the movie as one long extended pop promo, a rock musical as valid as The Who’s overblown Tommy. Ignore storytelling shortcomings. If it is in danger of sinking into some ridiculous “emoting” from the struggling cast, there’s always a blistering musical number seemingly every ten minutes, culminating in The kid’s acceptance of and retooling of Wendy and Lisa’s track.

What follows is an absolutely electric rendition of the title track,  Purple Rain, performed to a rapt audience (shown here in ’80′s style rotoscope for added effect). The club owner nods his acceptance, The Kid has it.  

But wait! The Kid thinks he’s blown it! He runs off stage and stomps up and down in his dressing room, tearing the place apart ( I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during actor / director rehearsals for this nonsense). Then he hears the crowd chant his name. He rushes back to finish the set with appropriately, Baby I’m A Star. 

And how does he finish, after exchanging air kisses with Appaloosa, I mean Appolonia? With the corniest, over the shoulder freeze frame until  Zoolander came along.  Purple Steel, anyone?

Prince, I salute you! (But I wouldn’t die 4 u!)